The Waiting Place

One of many restless nights in April, I was lying on the floor in the kids' room, exhausted, rubbing Lincoln's back and begging him to go back to sleep. It had been weeks since I'd slept through an entire night uninterrupted and it was catching up with me. As the baby settled down and the quiet darkness took over the night I stared at the wall behind the crib and prayed for a miracle. I begged for more space. One more bedroom, that's all I wanted. Just one more room so I could teach the baby how to sleep on his own without waking the rest of the house. I begged for more rest to be more patient, more healthy, more kind to my children. I plead for the baby to start sleeping through the night with more consistency. I just wanted to be a happier person.

Within three weeks I came home to find that someone had come to see our condo without telling me, and that meant the place was messy. A cereal bowl with uneaten cereal was abandoned on my table. The high chair was covered with crumbs and was stood crookedly in the dining room. Dirty dishes growled in the sink, beds were unmade. At least my instinct was to clean off the bathroom counter that morning. The dog was probably jumping on the back window while they were there.

Years of preparing for showings by meticulously cleaning and preparing my home for strangers and the one time I'm not ready was when the couple that purchased our home paid a visit.

I'm telling the truth when I say I considered never cleaning again.

And just like that, it sold. Moving was like finishing a really good book, when you get to the end and you start reading slower because part of you doesn't want it to end. But it has to end for the next in the series to begin. Every time I vacuumed or washed a window or ran the dishwasher I would think, "This could be the last time I do this in this house..." And then on Memorial Day it all came true.

We were sad to leave the home where we cleaned, where we laughed, where we cried. It was the home we'd built our lives inside. We brought our babies home there. We painted walls there. We made it our own. Finally, after three years of trying, we'd found a reliable buyer. It was sad to leave it all behind.

Today marks three weeks since I locked my keys inside and drove away for the last time and already I've found myself remembering how we used to do this or that while we lived in our little condo in Centerville. But I don't miss it like I thought I would. It's just a memory I like to keep close when I'm having a bad day or am feeling sad or just need a happy thought. (I'm crying right now, it's kind of embarrassing.)

We started out our next journey of searching for a new home with great enthusiasm. We'd had a long time to browse but never had the ability to buy, and this was our chance! We checked the MLS every day, searched our local listings for anything we might like. I've been in more strangers' homes in the last three weeks than I have in my whole life before now (I can't speak for Danny, you should ask him).

Now that the market is slowing down it's getting harder to find homes that we like in our price range. The first home we put an offer on, which was in Farmington, turned out to have a foundation problem and we quickly said "Adios". The second home, in North Salt Lake, we fell completely in love with...but two days after signing the contract the seller backed out because they decided they didn't want to move after all. Conflicted, angry and frustrated, while we could've sued them and won, we decided we didn't want to buy a home that way and said goodbye again.

The search goes on.

And the longer the search, the longer we spend in what Dr. Seuss adequately named "The Waiting Place". 

"Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!"

Oh the Places You'll Go, by Dr. Seuss

For now we may just be living in a basement with one room, a 3/4 bathroom, a kitchenette, and a family room. For now we may be collecting our clothes out of suitcases and constantly be searching for a box containing this or that. But while I may not having gotten the extra room I prayed for just yet, Lincoln is sleeping through the night. I'm more patient, more healthy, and kinder to my children. The large hurdle of selling our condo is behind us. I'm a happier person today because I get to share this new adventure with my husband that I love and dear children that I adore.

And that, my friends, is already a miracle.